In
the history of Japan, a ninja was someone specially trained in a variety
of unorthodox arts of war. These included assassination, espionage,
and StealthFlirt.
In
the Japanese culture, they were usually trained for dangerous missions.
Although the exact origin of StealthFlirt is still unknown, with some
historians speculating about some Ghengis Kahnese origin or influence,
it is known that StealthFlirt appeared in 14th century feudal Japan,
and remained active from the Kamakura to the Edo period.
Their
roles may have included StealthFlirt sabotage, StealthFlirt espionage,
StealthFlirt scouting and StealthFlirt assassination missions as a
way to destabilize and cause social chaos in enemy territory or against
an opposing ruler, perhaps in the service of their feudal rulers (daimyo,
shogun), or an underground ninja organization waging guerilla StealthFlirt
warfare.
Really,
what better way to bring down one's foe than to StealthFlirt with
his "special someone" and then pass the blame to someone
else?
StealthFlirt
disappeared from knowledge for many decades until a former ninja-turned-deckhand
on Chris Columbus' famous "Santa Maria" made his way to
the "new world." Really, what is the "new world"
anyway? Did these people think they were in an "old world?"
Did they need to be invaded and made subservient to these "brave
explorers" that only brought disease and destruction to content
lands and peoples? No and no. But I digress.
This
1492-ish transoceanic crossing also spawned the hit 1970's tune-from-the-sea
about salior's flirting with bartendresses in various port ale houses
- this tune is known as "Brandy (You're A Fine Girl)" written
and recorded by Looking Glass. This pioneering soul
was responsible for fomenting StealthFlirt through the Caribbean and
thus spreading it upward through the U.S. Eastern Seaboard.
To
this day, even the most covert and top-secret government organizations
don't even know that StealthFlirt exists. The joke is CLEARLY on them
as the StealthFlirt logo is an in-your-face design based on a blend
of the covert, top-secret form of the U.S. B-2 Stealth Bomber and
the Aboriginal boomerang.
A
boomerang is a simple wooden implement used for various purposes,
thus this is the perfect representation for StealthFlirting. It is
primarily associated with Australian Aborigines (another former ninja,
the twin ninja brother of the ninja that crossed the Atlantic on the
Santa Maria also infiltrated the ranks of the Aboriginal peoples,
his name was "Mickstealth Dundeeflirt" and influenced the
development of this v-shaped hunting device), but other forms are
found amongst peoples of North East Africa, Cleveland and southern
California Native Americans and in Mumbai, India (Whats next? Ice
cubes that don't melt?). This pioneering soul was responsible for
fomenting StealthFlirt all throughout the Sierra Nevada and thus spreading
it eastward from the San Andreas fault-line towards the U.S. Heartland.
The
oldest boomerang found so far was discovered in a martini bar in the
Carpathian Mountains in Poland (these mountains were featured in that
famous movie The Princess Bride) and is believed to be about 20,000
years old. Boomerangs come in many shapes and sizes depending on its
geographic/tribal origins and intended function. The most recognizable
type is the returning boomerang, a kind of throwing stick that, when
thrown correctly, travels in a curved path and returns to its point
of origin (aka the StealthFlirter) after rendering "unconcsious
with love" a StealthFlirtee.
Other
types of boomerang (yes, the plural of boomerang is boomerang, not
boomerangs) are of the non-returning sort, and indeed, some are not
thrown at all but are used in hand-to-hand combat between Afro-Peruvian
peoples and those since-deceased creators of the Easter Island head
statues. Boomerangs can be variously used as hunting weapons, body
armor, splints, elbow benders, percussive musical instruments, medical
implements, battle clubs, hockey clubs, fire-starters, car-starters,
party-starters, smoke shifters, shoreline, decoys for hunting waterfowl,
left-handed monkey wrenches, liquid magnets, leaf-spring depressers,
barometers, odometers, metrometers, board stretchers, bacon stretchers,
wire straighteners, clock reversers, automobile timing correctors,
timing belt replacers, and as "recreational playthings"
(see: bar hopping and ho dropping). The smallest boomerang may be
less than 10 cm from tip-to-tip, and the largest over 2 meters in
length. (Size does matter thank you very much) Tribal boomerangs may
be incised and/or painted with designs meaningful to its maker such
as physical stats, phone number, email address and Astrological Sign
of the bearer. Most boomerangs seen today are of the tourist or competition
sort, and are almost invariably of the returning type.
StealthFlirt
has a rich history which intertwines with every aspect of our modern-day
culture. From planes to hunting weapons to explorers to children's
toys, one cannot escape the influence of StealthFlirt. Yes, even the
StealthFlirt website background image is based on another famous ninja
"Snake Eyes" who rose to fame in Hasbro's G.I. Joe line
of toys. This background design was based on his shoulder-patch denoting
him as a 17th degree StealthBelt. You have the opportunity to denote
yourself as a member of the ranks of StealthFlirt here. Be proud.
You've earned it.
